Believing in Yourself
Am I ever going to finish this novel?
I know the answer is yes, but this question haunts me every day. Partly because I keep feeling like getting an agent to be interested in my manuscript, who in turn gets their publisher to take notice, seems unlikely. Per my research, niche agents get 10-30 queries from authors seeking representation per day, mid-size agents get 30-100 per day, and highly sought-after agents (especially those representing best-sellers) can get more than 200 queries per day.
How on earth can I make my story stand out enough to get them to take notice? I know I can always go with self-publishing and leave the stress of finding an agent and publisher behind, but I truly want to be a traditionally published author. Self-publishing isn't a failure at all and I know many successful authors have done this, but it doesn't feel totally right for me. Maybe someday it will, but today I still dream of being repped by one of the biggies: Penguin Random House or HarperCollins. I won't know until I try, and I am determined not to give up.
A few editions back I mentioned I was going to read Nathan Bransford's novel to help me with editing and ensuring my novel follows industry standards. When sifting through the rollercoaster of emotions I have experienced as a writer Bransford nailed it. In the beginning you decide you love the idea for your novel enough to actually start writing it, while simultaneously blocking out the fact that you do NOT know what you are doing. As a perfectionist, this was tough for me. But, I was so excited about the story I was going to write, I pressed on. I was finding my voice as a writer right along with fleshing out the plot.
Per Bransford, "Writing the first fifty pages of a novel is like the honeymoon phase after you've fallen in love. Everything is amazing! You couldn't be happier! Then, at some point, your novel will start to annoy the crap out of you." His book made me laugh several times, mainly because he could articulate so perfectly what had gone on in my brain through this process.
Now, it didn't happen to me exactly in this way, but it was pretty close. My honeymoon phase ended at the 30 page mark when I realized I didn't know what I was doing and if this book was going to make any sense to anyone but me, I had better stop and do some learning and structuring. I did the tedious work, made a new plan, and got back into it. The annoying part didn't come until I was editing my first draft and realized I have to cut 30,000 words. I love all parts of my story, they all feel important, but I know they aren't all as critical as I'm making them out to be.
So back to the topic of drafts and why it takes so long to write a good book. Essentially it boils down to this: Very few writers are able to put in rich characters, settings, imagery, and plot into a first draft. No book does every single thing well right away. You're sitting in front of a computer screen typing all day with no promise of external reward. You're trying to figure out your characters, their motives and beliefs, pin down the plot, decide the ending, sprinkle in sensory details, and make sure you're not overusing cliches. There are so many moving parts. A million things to think of, but you can't ever think of them all at once. Whew!
You have to motivate yourself to press on, to believe the work will be worth it in the end, that your book has what it takes to sit on the shelves of Barnes & Noble. You also have to convince yourself that you can handle bad reviews, because it's a guarantee your book won't be liked by everyone.
With all that said, I am still in the process of editing my third draft. I am through chapter 11 of 34. I have tightened the prose and cut unnecessary details, taking my word count from 136,000 to 130,635. I would like to get close to 100,000 words total, leaving only the most impactful words on the page. Reader experience matters, and having a book that's too long is certainly a way to turn tarnish it. There is a sweet spot for book lengths, and readers have come to expect authors to conform to it. Only a select few can get away with bucking the norms. First time authors aren't usually among them.
I have a deadline of March 1st to get the completed third draft to my editor. She has a turnaround time of ~6 weeks, so there will be some rest for me while the book is in her hands. My second beta reader is in process, and I hope to implement her feedback before I turn in my work to the editor as well.
